My wife Nerine has died.
She was a victim of Alcoholism. She had a very tragic accident and she died. We knew
each other seven years and we were married for almost two. I loved her very
much.
I never spoke about this accident in public
before. This is the first time I bring myself to talk about it. What I got to
say about this is that she struggled against a very terrible disease called
Alcoholism. I have no idea how bad it is or was. I have no idea what
addiction is. I have heard, we all know, we read about people being addicted but we
don't know what addiction is. Addiction is a terrible disease. It's not something
they control and it has to be treated as a disease. And all this I didn't know
until now. So, I started a Foundation in my wife's name, Nerine Shatner, in the
United States. And with that money we will try and help other addicts.
Because as she was trying to get better she
said: "When I get better I want to help other people in my situation". And
then she had the accident and wasn't able to continue. I want to continue with her name,
to help other women addicts. That's the Nerine Shatner Foundation.
I have no idea what addicts go through.
I have read magazines that they genetically lack endorphins. Their nerves are
not as settled as ours are. They lack it and addiction soothes them. It gives
them some peace from their torment that we get natural. They have to get this peace
by artificial means. Until I felt the pain of her death I didn't understand the pain
of what addicts are feeling and why they become addicted. Because in their
torture, whatever they are feeling inside, that's where they seek their peace.
We who don't have the disease can seek that peace in nature, in God, in a
relationship. But they can't. To some of them it can be taught and some of
them can get around their addiction. But a lot of them can't. And they go
through a lifetime of torture or unfortunately they die of accidents or disease of their
body. Or they go into an institution. Maybe the funds from the Nerine Shatner
Foundation will help. I hope it will give somebody the ability to deal with his
addiction.
I learned a lot this year. I've learned
about grief. Grief is something everyone of us is going to feel. We have
either already felt it or we're going to feel it. And grief, like love, like hate
and anger, like peace and quiet, is another emotion. It's an emotion that comes to
us. That visits us in our lifetime. Sometimes more than once. In my
case, my father died many years ago, and I felt this terrible pain. I remember it
took me about a year before I was thinking of him in some kind of pain. I had moved
from home and no longer had seen my father every day. We had stayed in touch by
phone. It wasn't an everyday thing for me to see my father daily at that stage.
But a child or a spouse, in this case a wife,
who is your soulmate, when they leave you, the pain is extraordinary. It's like a
part of you is ripped away. What I had to learn is that grief is like a leg that's
torn away from you. You have to learn to deal with the physical pain, it feels
painful, and you have to learn to deal with the emotional pain. And gradually,
slowly you begin to get better. And I'm in the process now of getting better.
And I can feel myself getting better. I look out of the world now and not feel like
I don't want to be here.
